Expressing Love

Last year was a great year for me.  I was single, happy, content, Karmagine was blossoming and I had great friends surrounding me. Everyday, regardless of the weather, situation or circumstance; I was expressing love.  Expressing love makes us happy, it makes us smile, it makes us laugh and builds the foundation of friendships and relationships.

If we look at the lives of children, we can say that they only know how to express love in the purest form. Even if mom and dad yelled at them, the moment mom or dad gave them a hug, they would let it go and return the hug and continue expressing their love to anything and everything. Do you remember loving a toy so much even though that toy never expressed it back to you? It was always one sided but that never stopped us.

As adults in relationships, I’ve learned that somewhere we decided that expressing love is a two way street; no longer one way. When did this happen? When did expressing what is natural to us become reliant on someone else? I see a lot of couples that are perfect for each other but they spend more energy on resisting their need to express love to each other than to actually express it. That doesn’t make any sense at all, but a lot of people are a victim to this.

It’s not your fault, it not anyone’s fault really. We’re all emotional beings and emotionally we want to feel protected and safe. This didn’t happen in your first relationship in high school, or because of your first break up. This idea of safety occurred to you all the way back in your youth, possibly as far back as kindergarten.

Our first relationship was with our parents, that’s the root. As babies learning, we didn’t care if mom got mad at us when we dropped something or made a mess or upset our parents. Sure mom would yell at us but then we’d forget about it and continue expressing love. However, as soon as the idea of thoughts entered our minds, we created beliefs. Now if we did something that upset mom or dad, expressing love became harder because we got yelled at. Our thoughts told us that in order to express love to mom or dad, mom or dad need to be in a receiving state of mind. Very rarely will you see a child embrace his/her parents if they are being yelled at. It’s in those critical moments that we tell ourselves that we can only express love when someone else is expressing love to us.

Fast forward to present relationships and you can see the same thought process. You might even consciously be aware of it when your significant other is having a bad day, that expressing love to them might feel almost awkward. Our thoughts don’t mean harm, but they do cause harm. It’s difficult to dissolve a belief that’s deeply rooted but being aware is the first step.

Summer is arriving, the weather is beautiful, wedding season is approaching fast. Take the time to express love to the ones you love, even at times when you might feel it’s a one way street. It’s in those moments that love is unconditional. I invite you to express your love to anyone and everything as you once did and as you see children doing everyday.

With love, JD